reflections

“Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.” ~ Dalai Lama

“Define your priorities, know your values and believe in your purpose. Only then can you effectively share yourself with others.” ~ Les Brown

Just by one’s appearance, it isn’t that easy to spot their values. Charismatic, posh, and chicly dressed, they could still be ever so ill-mannered to the waitress in the restaurant. Unmistakably so, they may appear to be polite simply by the way one perceives their appearance. Furthermore, their values begin to surface over time through their actions and mannerisms, and in due time one may begin to see that charismatic and chicly dressed is just that.

How to Bake a Cake

Inherent to my survival, and perhaps true for other individuals, is what I value in life. Compositions of individualistic expressions of oneself, all objects, people, and environments that are of influence are values that compose our moral recipe. If I was to bake a cake, I could sort of devise and hope for the best, search up a recipe and experiment, or I could ask everyone I know and try a recipe that seems successful.

Determined by the ingredients within the recipe, the outcome of the cake could transpire spectacularly. Since we all have different ‘taste buds’, what we would determine to be a ‘good’ cake will differ, even though the structure of each cake is somewhat similar. Much like the charismatic, chicly dressed person, the way a cake looks may be the result of some of the ingredients. However, one doesn’t know how the cake turned out until the first bite. That means values can influence how we behave through our actions and could also influence the way we present ourselves to the world.

My Recipe

First, I like to start with thorough research, starting with Google and every recipe book that I own. Next, I would Google every cake recipe in the flavor that I am seeking. Then, I would call a couple of my closest friends, who are successful bakers by trade, to ask their opinions. After I gather my recipes, discuss with my friends who are knowledgeable about baking cakes, I would contemplate. Lastly, I would ‘sleep on it,’ as this is a phrase I strongly believe in. Yes, this is seriously how to concoct almost all the major decisions that I make. Truthfully, the only time I have made irrational decisions is when I didn’t know my ‘recipe.’ I used to rush to gather ingredients because others told me I should. The end results were very unpleasant ‘cakes.’ 

Honesty

Honesty is pretty much a whole set of values, which makes this value challenging. This may be why every religion speaks of a higher being in some form watching over humanity, perhaps to keep us honest. Funny enough, politicians lie right in front of our faces, loved ones lie sometimes, and even random strangers fabricate alternate lives just to impress others. More importantly, I value honesty in myself and everyone around me; perhaps this is a result of what I learned about honesty in church. Keen to spot even the smallest lie, I have a low tolerance to lies. Many of my family and friends say I’m highly intuitive.

Some of my friends are so honest that some may say they are ‘abrupt’, but I know they will always tell me when I’m adding too much ‘salt.’ And I don’t know if you have ever taken a bite out of a cake with too much salt, but no amount of sugary frosting can disguise it. Even if that means I may not like what I’m hearing, I would rather hear the truth and move on than to sense a dishonest communication with someone. Specifically, I value honesty in my personal life and would rather have authentic relationships than ‘bodies’ around me. In a professional setting, honesty builds trust and confidence, and it allows everyone to think more critically. I believe more action is done through honesty. However, honesty to me does not mean rudeness or disrespect, but being available, transparent, and considerate.

Common Courtesy

Much like table manners, I believe that common courtesy is an active demonstration of respect and honor. Being courteous can show an individual or a group that one cares about them or that they are seen. Everyone wants to be ‘seen;’ maybe not by everyone, but by someone. Humans are social beings, being social is crucial to survival. When I was a child, my mother would tell us to use our manners and be mindful of others. My grandmother also exemplified this trait very often. I witnessed how individuals responded to grandmother and how it made them, her, and any bystanders, including myself, feel.

I learned about positive energy and how energy attracts other energy through many spiritual teachings. I enjoy learning about numerous religions to find common ideologies, I believe this helps me understand human behavior and social structures better. When I reflect on why common courtesy is a deeply rooted value for me, I realize it is my interpretation of the observed outcome created by the action of common courtesy.

Equality

The primary goal of humanity is equality. I believe this to be true on some level both the spiritual and material world. It is only when true equality is achieved that I believe we will transcend to the next phase of ‘being.’ Unfortunately, I also believe there are a great deal of humans on Earth who are afraid of change, moreover, they do what they can to put a stop to anything that would progress humanity.

Equality in the workplace is important to the work culture. When individuals feel included and valued, they are more productive and engaged. When the individual is as equally important as the whole society, true equality can be achieved. This value is important to me, as I have experienced inequality and know the challenges. It has made life in general a little more difficult to navigate the professional world. That does not mean I gave up; I just knew I would need to assert myself until others believed in me just as much as I believed in myself.

As a black woman, I know not every human I encounter sees me as their equal, therefore, my desire for equality isn’t a topic they are interested in entertaining. Yet, I have found solitude in advocating for others. I believe when we focus on helping others from our hearts, the laws of attraction bring balance to us. Some call this Karma, Yin and Yang, Dharma, or God, I believe it is as natural as the law of gravity and velocity. I find it unsettling when I hear others make claims to deserving equality when they belittle others or believe that they have no influence on the inequality and poor treatment of others. For example, goods and services. How could one believe that they truly stand for equality while several of the goods in their home that they consume directly benefits some form of injustice? Rather it be goods consumed that were created by children, human trafficking, or objects that cause environmental stressor for others. Do they truly desire equality for all? 

Professionalism

Who defines what professionalism is? I assume what I feel is professional in a medical setting may differ greatly from a person who is a professional tattoo artist. Moreover, I don’t believe that one is more professional than the other. I do believe in adapting to one’s surroundings; animals do this for survival, it’s natural. And if I was baking a sponge cake, I would proceed with using ingredients for a sponge cake and not a brownie.

Having an agreed standard of behavior or appearance brings commonality between individuals who may have various belief systems. It is also a form of communication that one is ready to perform a specific duty or task. For example, if I was going in for a dental procedure, I would find it unprofessional if my dentist showed up dressed for a day at the beach with no mask or gloves on to perform the procedure. It goes without saying that the same level of professionalism should be focused on the responsibilities of the individual performing the action. I believe this should look similar in the professional and unprofessional world.

Organization

Stability within a space allows energy and actions to flow quicker without obstructions. A few years ago, I began studying Feng Shui. I shifted my home to follow some of the constructs of the perceived balance as a sort of experiment. As a minimalist, my home has always been very organized, so Feng Shui was an opportunity for me to challenge myself to think of my home in a way that related to the natural elements of the world and universe. I documented my experience including the various hand drawn layouts before determining what a home of balance would look like for me and my daughters. After about a year, I reflected on what energy had flowed through the new spaces and determined if it was useful or harmful. The results were all useful energy, and everyone that visited my home said how peaceful they felt while visiting. It came to a point that my home was seen as a place of Zen, so I achieved my goal.

When we started looking for a home, I looked for a home that had the same qualities I valued, a space that allowed for optimal organization that also followed the Feng Shui that worked best for me. I drew out exactly what my ideal home would need to include for that to be true, a large foyer, a space for an in-home library and office, an open floor plan, and a ton of large windows with views trees and nature from every room. Organization is like the flour to my cake recipe, the greatest portion of the total ingredients. When my home and workplace is organized, I feel at peace. When I’m convivial, I can bring peace into the lives of others, and to me that is one of my life goals.

The Right Temperature

The main ingredients that make up my recipe, honest, common courtesy, equality, professionalism, and organization. Furthermore, the experiences and knowledge I have exposed myself to has allowed me to preset the optimal temperature for baking the ‘perfect’ cake for me. Even with all the right measurements and the best quality ingredients, a cake could still be ruined if the temperature is not just right.

Since I identify as a minimalist, one may see my ‘cake’ as the simple one with plain frosting, no sprinkles and minimal design. Yet, once they cut into the cake, they would discover a ‘perfectly’ moistened sponge layered cake with organic berries filling between each layer. So, what are the main ingredients to your value cake recipe?